


Life, After

by Caera1996



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Comment Fic, Gen, M/M, Past Domestic Violence, jim-and-bones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-13 06:05:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the week of September 7 - 13, 2015, I provided the pictures for Daily Captain and Daily Doctor. With each pairing of pictures was a small part of a short story that was untitled at the time.</p><p>This week, January 11-17, I'm doing DCDD again, and I decided to add words to each pairing that continues the story. It won't be necessary to read the first part to understand the story that goes with this week's pictures, but I figured I'd put it up here, for easy access.</p><p>Summary: Jim and Bones meet up in an apartment building that Jim has moved in to as he hides from an abusive ex. Slowly, they get to know each other, and Jim begins the process of coming back to himself. This story deals with domestic abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Please note I "choose not to use archive warnings" and pay attention to the tags.
> 
> 2) The title is inspired by the following quotation by Lindsay Fischer in The House on Sunset: "There is life after abuse. This is mine."
> 
> 3) The continuation is being posted on the jim-and-bones lj community each day. You must be a member to see the posts. I will post it here, in its entirety, at the end of the week.

**[MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 7](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1190960.html) **

  
He didn’t have much with him. Packing wasn’t really something he was concerned about. Getting out was his main concern. He could replace things.

  
Exhausted, Jim dropped the third suitcase on the floor and leaned against the closed door with a sigh. He looked around the sparsely furnished studio apartment. It wasn’t much – but it had a bed, electricity, wasn’t expensive, and most importantly, was far away from where he’d started.

  
Jim turned and locked the apartment door, throwing the deadbolt and engaging the handle lock. He eyed the items he’d picked up from a local hardware store down the street and weighed the prospect of finding the building super and getting him to install the chain lock and contact alarm now against the pull of the bed in the corner. He’d been traveling all night, and it was impossible to sleep on that damn bus. He’d been too jumpy to sleep anyway.

  
Here though…he felt like he could sleep here. But not without the additional lock and alarm.

Jim let himself out of the apartment and made his way down to the office the super used during the day only to find a note tacked to the door.

  
_Family emergency – gone for the day. Emergencies see Leo apt. 3c_   


  
Jim hesitated. Installing an additional lock wasn’t an emergency. But maybe the guy in 3c had tools he could borrow. He could do it himself.

  
He headed back up the stairs to 3c and knocked. Waited. Knocked again. He could hear voices – maybe a tv – coming from the  
apartment, so he knocked again…and jumped back in surprise when a very surly looking man yanked his door open.

  
“What?” he barked.

  
His hair was disheveled, and he squinted in the light of the hallway. “Oh…I – I’m sorry,” Jim stammered. “I thought – the super left a note and…”

  
The man muttered something under his breath. “Yeah, you’re in the right place. What do you want?”

  
“I – uh – I just moved in, and I have some things…do you have a toolbox I could – “ Jim trailed off when the man – Leo, apparently -  abruptly walked away from him, leaving the door open. He came back with a box that he thrust at Jim.

  
“Just leave it outside the door when you’re done,” Leo said, then closed the door in Jim’s face.

  
“O – Okay. Um…thanks!” he said, raising his voice a little to be heard.

  
Feeling a little unsettled by the encounter, Jim quickly retreated to his apartment. He used the tools to install the additional lock and the contact alarm. Only then did he finally feel safe enough to fall into bed, returning the toolbox not even crossing his mind, and he was asleep between one free breath and the next.

 

.  
 **[TUESDAY – SEPTEMBER 8](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1191323.html)**  


  
Leo stopped by the kid’s apartment on his way out. He paused outside the door taking a second to listen before knocking. As always, it was quiet. He knew Jim was in there – he never left – but he also never played the radio, never had the t.v. on, never had any type of background noise.

  
Strange.

  
Leo raised his hand to knock but before he could, the door was yanked open. The kid stood there, an expression on his face that Leo couldn’t name before Jim replaced it with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Leo noticed he held a hammer at his side.

  
“Bones!” he said. “Why are you creeping around outside my door?”

  
“I’m not creeping,” he said indignantly, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous nickname he’d been given. “I was just going to knock.”

  
After another second, Jim stepped back and tilted his head in invitation. Leo followed him in, nodding at the hammer in his grip.

  
“Hanging pictures?”

  
“What? Oh – uh…no. I was just putting it away,” he replied. He put it down on a little side table by the front door.  “So,” he said, settling back down on the sofa, a pile of laundry he was folding next to him. “What’s up?”

  
“I’m leaving for work – twelve hour shift – and I’m gonna stop at the corner store on the way home. Need anything?” he asked.

This had become part of the routine. In the four weeks the kid had lived here, he never left the apartment building. He’d had groceries delivered a couple of times, said he telecommuted for work, and he appeared to only leave his apartment to do laundry in the basement and, lately, visit Leo. So, When Leo went out, he’d taken to ask if Jim needed anything.

  
At first, Leo had thought that maybe he was agoraphobic. But then, one night they ran into each other on the roof.

  
Jim turned and looked at him with a small smile. “You don’t have to always ask, Bones,” he said.

  
Leo shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

  
“Well, thanks. I actually need milk. And cookies. Chocolate chip. One sec.”

  
Leo watched as Jim jumped up and pulled some money out of the pockets of his jeans.

  
“Milk and cookies. How old are you?” Leo gently teased. He accepted the money as Jim shrugged.

  
“Milk and cookies has no age limit,” Jim said. “Someone famous said that.”

  
“Yeah, yeah.” Leo waved him off with a smile and pulled the door open to go.

  
“Thanks Bones,” Jim said. “Go save some lives.”

  
“See ya later, Jim.”

  
Jim closed the door and Leo stood in the hall, listening as he engaged all three locks on his door, then puzzling over Jim’s quirks, headed out.

  
That night on the roof they’d sat up there for hours, each having come up alone and ending up together, drinking and talking till the sun just started to peak over the edge of the world. Jim had learned a lot about Leo that night. Leo hadn’t learned nearly as much about Jim. But it was obvious that he’d been through something. He was so cautious and closed off…and maybe scared. But he was also lonely and in need of a connection. And Leo decided to reach out.

  
.  
 **[WEDNESDAY – SEPTEMBER 9](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1191550.html)**  


 

There was no other way. And…maybe it was time. The thought of leaving the safety of his apartment and the secure apartment building made his palms sweat and his mouth go dry, but it’d been six weeks. He was safe. He’d be safe if he left to run an errand to the bank.

  
But where he needed to go was too far to contemplate using public transportation. There was no safety in the open of being on a bus or the subway.

  
However – he had a friend who had a car, and he was waiting for him downstairs.

  
Jim gathered the paperwork, his wallet and his keys, and left the apartment, locking the door carefully behind him. He wished he could set the contact alarm, but it didn’t work that way. If he wasn’t in the apartment, it couldn’t be turned on. Instead, he placed a piece of clear tape across the very bottom of the door and door jam. If it was opened while he was gone, he’d know it.

  
Jim hurried down the stairs, and came to the entrance to the building. He stood behind the closed door, hand on the handle, his heart thudding in his chest. It was the middle of the day. Bright and busy. Exposed.

  
But he’d been so careful. He was safe. And…he wasn’t alone.

  
_Bbbrrrriiinnnngggg_   


  
His pre-pay cellphone rang in his pocket, and he was wound so tight with nerves he jumped. Closing his eyes for a moment, swallowing, he fished the phone out of his pocket and checked the number.

  
Bones.

  
“Sorry, I’m coming now,” Jim said.

  
_“Don’t have all day, kid,”_   


  
Jim hung up and took another deep breath, then pushed the door open. The sun was so bright after weeks of being indoors that his watering eyes were momentarily blinded and he had to squint, fighting the rush of nerves over not being able to see clearly. Bones’ car was idling at the curb waiting for him, so without giving himself a chance to think on it and freak himself out again, he ran down the stairs and hurried around to the driver’s side. He pulled the back door open and slid into the seat, happy that the windows were tinted.

  
Bones turned in his seat to look behind himself, surprised that Jim wasn’t in the passenger seat beside him.

  
“What’re you doing back there? I’m a doctor, not a chauffeur,” he said.

  
“I – I know,” Jim said hesitantly, trying to calm his racing heart. “Can I just…sit back here?” He couldn’t look at Bones as he asked this, because he knew what he’d see. The same thing that he’d been seeing for a while now. Unvoiced questions, suspicions, that he was trying to figure things out, that he wanted to talk about things Jim just wanted to forget. And driving all that, heartfelt concern.

And Jim prayed he wouldn’t ask. Not now. Being out was already enough stress; he couldn’t handle having to explain that the back seat provided more cover than sitting in the front.

  
“Yeah, Jim. You can sit back there,” Bones said softly. Then he turned back around and put the car in gear. “So…Where are we goin’?”

 

.  
 **[THURSDAY - SEPTEMBER 10](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1191900.html)**

 

Though the visit to the bank had been uneventful, the kid had been so jumpy, casting furtive glances around, he’d put bank security on edge. Leo was concerned. Jim had become a friend over the last few weeks, and there was something about him that Leo felt drawn to. And to see him live his life so closed off and so afraid made Leo want to do something.

  
But Jim hadn’t confided anything to him yet. And Leo decided that it was time to say something.

  
“Let’s stop for lunch,” Leo said – pushing, testing. “I’m starved.” He glanced in the rearview mirror at Jim who was sitting in the backseat, still looking unaccountably tense. “What do you feel like eating?”

  
“Uh…let’s just go home. I have the stuff for sandwiches…or we can order in. My treat,” Jim offered, trying to keep his voice light.

  
Leo sighed. “Jim…”

  
“Bones…just…please.”

  
So, they went home, but Jim knew the conversation he’d forestalled twice today was coming. He let himself into his apartment after confirming the strip of tape was still in place, and left the door open in invitation to Leo who was right behind him.

  
Jim sat, the inevitability of this conversation weighing on him. Leo kept his eyes on Jim as they sat. He hadn’t missed the tape at the bottom of the door, and his heart went out to the kid. It must be so hard to live life always on guard. He must feel so alone.

  
Jim glanced up at him, then away again. Leo waited, and Jim looked like he might say something, but he couldn’t make the words come. So Leo did.

  
“Jim – are you in danger?”

  
Jim let out a breath and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “I – uh, no. I don’t think so. Not anymore.”

  
“But you were. Was it…did you leave someone?” Leo gently pressed.

  
Jim leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, head bowed as he stared hard at the ground.

  
“Y-yes.” His voice cracked on that one word, and with that he admitted a lot more that Leo had suspected. “I, uh. I’m s-still--”

  
Leo reached out hesitantly, wanting to comfort, but unsure how Jim would respond. In the end, he trusted his instincts and placed his hand on the back of Jim’s neck, squeezing gently.

  
“You’re still scared,” Leo said, thinking about all the things he’d noticed about Jim that made a hell of lot more sense now. He pressed his lips together. Whatever had happened, it’d done a number on the kid.

  
“Yeah,” Jim admitted in barely above a whisper.

  
“You don’t have to be scared of me,” Leo said quietly. He gave Jim another squeeze, then withdrew his hand, wanting to make sure he had space.

  
“I know.”

  
“What can I do?”

  
Jim looked up, meeting Leo’s eyes finally. “Everything you already are.”

 

.  
 **[FRIDAY – SEPTEMBER 11](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1191967.html)**

 

Things were different after he finally admitted to Bones what he’d suspected for so long. But not bad different. Good different. Surprisingly good, different. Because for the first time in a long time, Jim didn’t feel alone. And though – if he was being honest with himself – he was still afraid, he no longer felt overwhelmed.

And it was Bones who’d made that difference for him. By being there, and listening. And, slowly but surely, bit by bit, the story of what had happened to bring him to this point came out. And he felt like the more he was able to share, the lighter he felt.

  
He also really appreciated having someone to go to when he didn’t want to be alone. Sleep just wasn’t coming peacefully tonight, but Bones was home, so after giving a perfunctory knock, he let himself into Bones’ apartment. He never had his door locked when he was home, but he didn’t mind it when Jim locked it behind himself when he was visiting. He just didn’t feel comfortable enough to be in an unsecured place.

  
“Hey Bones,” he said quietly.

  
“One sec, Jim,” Bones replied. He was working on his whiteboard, making notes on a schedule diagram. Jim sat at the breakfast bar, and leaned forward on his elbows, watching Bones work.  He was a surgical attending with several interns under him, and Jim knew that this part of his job – the administrative crap – was the bane of his existence. Having to schedule shifts around practicals and labs was something he struggled with every month, and it looked like that was what he was working on now. “Done. That should do it,” Bones said after a few minutes.

  
He capped the markers he’d been using and turned to look at Jim. “You’re up late.”

  
“So are you.”

  
“I’m working. What’s your excuse?”

  
Jim lowered his gaze and his shoulders hunched. “Can’t sleep,” he admitted.

  
He could feel Bones regarding him quietly for a few seconds. “Want a beer?” he asked.

  
Silently, Jim shook his head, willing Bones to somehow understand what it was he needed, but just couldn’t ask for.

  
“I was gonna sack out on the couch and find some horrible movie to fall asleep to. Care to join?” Bones asked.

  
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Jim said, so grateful that…somehow…Bones understood.

  
Bones grabbed blankets and pillows from the bedroom and carried them over to couch where Jim was standing uncertainly.

  
“Well make yourself comfortable,” Bones said, tossing a pillow at his head. “I call the ottoman.”

  
Put at ease by Bones’ carefree accepting attitude, Jim toed off his sneakers and took one end of the couch, curling his legs under him though there was room to stretch out. He wasn’t used to being allowed to take the room he wanted – and he didn’t want to be an annoyance. Bones tossed him a blanket and turned on the t.v. They settled on some SyFy movie that was truly awful in all the best ways, and watched quietly in the darkened apartment.

  
Jim, tired from not ever sleeping well, hardly made it past an hour. After he fell asleep, Leo watched him contemplatively. The kid had been cooped up in this building for almost three months, except for that one trip to the bank, and it wasn’t doing him any good. How could he get on with any kind of life if he was just…stuck?

  
Leo had an idea, though. They’d talk about it tomorrow.

  
In the meantime, Jim was sleeping peacefully for now, and though Leo could get up and go to his own bed, he found he didn’t want to, preferring to stay close in case that changed.

 

.  
 **[SATURDAY – SEPTEMBER 12](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1192217.html)**  


 

“This was such a great idea Bones. I haven’t been camping  since I was a little kid. Thanks for doing this with me,” Jim said.

Leo glanced over at him and gave him a quick smile. “No thanks necessary. It’s been too long for me, too.”

Jim had been living so cooped up for months, afraid to be out, afraid that the person he’d left would be looking for him, so Leo thought this might be the way to go. To be out in nature, just the two of them, and give Jim a chance to relax. And Jim…he’d agreed immediately. It hadn’t been easy to make the arrangements to be able to be away from the hospital and his idiot interns for three consecutive days, but it was worth it. Jim was worth it.

  
“He, um…he really wouldn’t let me do stuff like this,” Jim said quietly as he stared out of the window. “He really wouldn’t let me do anything at all.”

  
Leo resisted the urge to look at him, keeping his eyes on the road instead. “No?” he said carefully.

  
“No. He said he didn’t like it when I wasn’t with him, and he hated being being outside.”

  
Leo didn’t say anything to that, waiting to see if Jim would share anything else. For the last couple of weeks Jim had started mentioning specific things his abuser had put him through – but always like this. Just kinda dropped into conversation and abandoned, as if Jim was waiting to see how Leo would react to each thing he admitted. And Leo figured out quickly that pursuing information was exactly what he shouldn’t do. Asking resulted in Jim’s silence. His silence, on the other hand, seemed to allow Jim to share more.

  
“It happened slowly,” Jim said, after another minute. “And I didn’t realize it until it was too late, but he was isolating me more and more until all there was was me and him.”

  
“That’s very common,” Leonard said, striving to keep his voice steady and the anger he was feeling out of it. “It must’ve been very lonely for you.”

  
“Yeah,” Jim said softly.

  
“But you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Leo said, glancing at him and offering him a heartfelt smile. “Now you can do whatever you want….make new friends all you want.”

  
Jim smiled and flushed, fidgeting with the jacket he was holding. “I don’t know why anyone would want me…still can’t figure out why you tolerate me.”

  
Leo’s heart clenched because he knew Jim wasn’t fishing for complements or being falsely modest. The asshole he’d left had systemically broken him down with years of abuse…subtle mental abuse at first that escalated – as it usually did – to physical abuse.

And Jim – young and inexperienced – didn’t recognize what was happening. Instead, saw truth in his abuser’s accusation that it was his own fault, that he loved him so much, it made him crazy, and – most heartbreakingly – believed the tearful apologies and promises that it would never happen again. Until it did. Because of Jim, of course.

  
A vicious cycle that had trapped him, until he’d managed to break out of the cycle by leaving.

  
“It’s not a matter of tolerating you, Jim,” Leonard said. “I actually like you. Trust me, I wouldn’t spend my rare days off with just anyone.”

  
They arrived at the camp ground and parked alongside the few other cars that were there. They strapped on their packs – almost all of Jim’s stuff newly bought – and they headed down the trail to find a spot that looked good.

  
Suddenly, Jim turned to him. “This was a really good idea, Bones. I know I said it before but…thank you. It means a lot.”

  
Leo raised his eyebrows. “You thank me now,” he teased. “We’ll see if you feel that way afterwards.”

  
Jim laughed at that, bright and loud, and Leo resolved to draw more of that out of him. As much as he could.

  
.  
 **[SUNDAY - SEPTEMBER 13](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1192832.html)**  


  
It’d been almost a year, and Jim felt…safe. Free. Happy.

  
All things that, when he was in the middle of things, before he’d finally left, he hadn’t thought he could ever be. He’d been mired in that toxic, dangerous environment, convinced that he didn’t deserve it, that he wasn’t good enough, that he was treated as “less” because he was actually worth less. That things he did and said proved the point that his abuser had hammered home.

  
_”What the fuck is wrong with you, Jim? Why do you keep making me do this? Do you like it, you sick fuck?”_   


  
The words echoed in his mind occasionally, but not like they used to. Not like the way he used to ask them of himself, and certainly not like the way they were screamed at him in fits of rage over whatever transgression Jim was accused of having committed.

  
Now, they were just old ghosts trying to get back in. And there were bad days – usually followed by bad nights – when the memories of what he’d run from came back, like a recurring cancer…never quite gone no matter what he did.

  
But Jim wasn’t alone with those ghosts anymore. Hadn’t been, for a while. Now, there was a stronger voice. Sometimes sharply witty or sarcastic, but always gentle. And that voice could scatter the ghosts as quickly as turning on a light.

  
Bones.

  
Bones was always there to remind him of the truth. That the sick fuck was the other guy, not Jim. That Jim was the stronger one. Because he lived through it, bowed but unbroken. Because he had the strength to get away when he realized what he had to do. Because he had the tenacity to start over. Because he had the courage to imagine something better, and then make it happen for himself.

  
Bones reminded him of all of that, and most importantly, Bones reminded him that he was worthy of all good things – safety, freedom, happiness…and love. Real love that came without conditions or caveats or demands or threats.

  
And that…kind of scared Jim. A little. Loving someone else didn’t turn out well before. And…he wasn’t even sure Bones felt the same.

  
“Jim, you payin’ attention to me kid?” Bones asked, looking over at him.

  
“Hm? Yeah, sorry,” Jim replied.

  
Bones snorted. “Sure you were. You looked a thousand miles away. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”

  
Jim looked up at him, eyes bright and happy, a small smile just starting on his face. Something soft came into his Bones’ eyes as they looked at each other until flushed and cleared his throat.

  
“Okay, kid, so…you press out the dough like this…”

  
Bones went back to what he was doing, educating Jim in the proper way to make a pot pie, and Jim thought maybe…with the right person…there was nothing to be scared of.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a compilation of the DCDD comment fics from January 11-17, the second part of "Life, After".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, this part deals more specifically with domestic abuse between partners.

**[MONDAY - JANUARY 11](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1230898.html)**   
  
Even though Jim had gained confidence in himself and wasn’t nearly as fearful as he was even a couple of months ago, there were still some things that made him feel exposed. Maybe not necessarily in danger, not anymore, but definitely less secure. He still largely lived his life inside the safety of their apartment building – sometimes escaping to the roof when the need to get out got to be too great, but not compelling enough to push him out the door and down the street.  
  
Leo was actually concerned that he was starting to becoming _too_ comfortable with being inside, and worried that he might end up a shut-in. And that….that would be tragic. The kid had managed to save himself from one kind of prison, and the thought of him in another self-imposed prison in order to stay safe broke Leo’s heart. And made him murderously angry at the lowlife who’d caused Jim to feel like he had to live like that.  
  
So when Jim had tentatively brought up that he was going to cancel his grocery delivery order and go to the store himself, Leo had quietly rejoiced. It was another step, and a significant one. Previously, if Jim had to go somewhere, he’d asked Leo to drive him, and he was a ball of nerves the whole time they were out. This time though, Jim had announced that he was going to walk down to the corner store and get a few things.  
  
Leonard was confident that this was a good thing, and hadn’t anticipated any trouble, so when he got a call from Jim a short time later, he answered quickly.  
  
“Hey, Jim. What’s up?”  
  
 _“I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize,”_ he said, and Leo could hear the fear in his voice.  
  
“Wrong number?” Leonard suggested carefully, keeping his voice calm. It was most likely nothing – he used a pre-paid phone that he bought here – but he knew Jim could be easily spooked.  
  
 _“I – I don’t know. I c-couldn’t answer.”_ Jim took a deep breath. _“W-what if….”_  
  
“Jim, there’ s no way he could have your number,” Leo said. “You’re safe.”  
  
Leo listened to Jim’s shaky breaths on the other end of the line, and closed his eyes. He couldn’t ignore the obvious distress he was feeling.  
  
“Are you in the store still?”  
  
 _”Yes”_.  
  
“Okay, stay there. I’m coming.”  
  
 _“Thanks, Bones. I – I know I’m being stupid, but…”_  
  
“You’re not,” Leo said immediately. “You’re not being stupid. And I’ll be right there.”  
  
  
 **[TUESDAY - JANUARY 12](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1231188.html)**   
  
Jim must’ve been waiting for him just inside the doors, because when Leo pulled up, he hurried out to meet him. Leo observed with dismay his body language – the way he kept his head down, and seemed to shrink into himself as he glanced around furtively. Jim paused briefly, and Leo knew he was debating getting in the back seat where he felt it was easier to hide…something he hadn’t done for a few months now, and – thankfully – ultimately didn’t do it this time either.  
  
“Hey,” Leo said as Jim closed the door. “Let me see the number…”  
  
“Can’t,” Jim said curtly. “I destroyed it and dropped the pieces down a drain. Can we go? I just want to be home.”  
  
Leo sighed and did as Jim asked, pulling away from the curb. “It was probably just a wrong number,” Leo said softly.  
  
Withdrawing into himself, like he had when they’d first met, Jim just shrugged and folded his arms over himself, but not before Leo noticed that his hands were shaking.  
  
When they got back to their apartment building, Jim went quickly inside, Leonard following. But instead of inviting Leo in, Jim offered him a small smile and apologized and thanked him again.  
  
“I just…need some time alone,” he said.  
  
Leo frowned, not really thinking that was the best idea. In his estimation, the last thing Jim needed  was to be left alone with old ghosts and bad memories.  
  
“Jim…” he said, stopping him from closing the door. “I’m here if you need me.”  
  
Jim nodded, eyes down. “I know.”  
  
“Okay…see you around kid.”  
  
Jim sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned against the door. The quiet solitude of his small efficiency had become much more than just the place he lived. It was also his escape…and his place to hide.  
  
Over the next day, Jim went to back to the way he lived when he first got there, staying quiet so he could hear what was happening outside, not stepping a foot outside, staying away from the windows and not being able to sleep. He was self-aware enough to recognize common symptoms of a stress reaction – maybe even PTSD – but he didn’t care. It was worth it.  
  
The next night Bones dropped by. He was coming back from a shift and was exhausted, but he wanted to check on him. Jim hesitated, but opened the door and let him in.  
  
“Hey…” he said, his greeting dying on his lips as he got a good look at Jim. He’d shaved and given himself a very basic haircut.  
  
“Change your look?”  
  
Jim shrugged and sank down on the edge of his platform bed. “Thought it might make me a little harder to recognize.”  
  
Leo’s gaze softened as he leaned against the wall. “Have you slept?”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“Want to come over?” Leo asked.  
  
Yes, he did. He thought he wanted solitude…but what he really wanted was to feel safe. And he felt safe with Bones.  
  
“You sure?” Jim asked, a small smile on his face. “You look like hell.”  
  
Leo just rolled his eyes. “C’mon kid. I got a couch with your name on it.”  
  
  
 **[WEDNESDAY - JANUARY 13](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1231557.html)**   
  
Safely ensconced in Bones’ apartment, Jim and Bones sat on the couch. At first, they sat separately, but that didn’t last. They’d been slowly moving closer together for months, and tonight Jim needed contact. He needed to be held. He’d needed that for so long, and after…everything…he’d been so afraid to reach out for that.  
  
But tonight, as they sat together on the couch, Bones could see what Jim needed, even if he couldn’t verbalize it quite yet. So he gently pulled Jim to his side, urging him to lean against him. There was so much Leo wanted to say to him…reassure him that he was safe, tell him that he could let himself live freely, that even if it hadn’t been a wrong number, he wasn’t alone and wouldn’t have to face his past by himself. He wanted to say all of that, and more, but there was still so much that Jim hadn’t shared with him, and he’d spent these last few months letting Jim set the pace.  
  
He didn’t want to push, didn’t want Jim to feel like he expected anything from him. He had a feeling he’d lived like that for way too long already.  
  
Tonight, though, Jim was finally taking what Bones had been freely offering for a long time…physical comfort. The fear over the perceived threat the other day, after feeling relatively safe for so long, had shaken him, and he needed more than just comforting words.  
  
Leonard had his arm around Jim’s shoulders as he leaned into his side as they watched some mindless comedy show. But he was exhausted, and couldn’t hold back a yawn, which Jim noticed.  
  
“Bones…we should go to bed.”  
  
“Yeah…you’re right,” he said. He looked down at Jim who hadn’t moved from his side, and made a decision. “Jim…there’s no need for you to sleep out here.”  
  
Jim craned his head to look at him, something in his eyes that Leonard couldn’t quite place. “What do you mean?”  
  
Leonard hesitated, then mentally shrugged. “I mean, let’s go to bed.”  
  
Jim looked at him for a moment longer, then nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Let’s.”  
  
He got up and headed into the bedroom, and Leonard took a moment to turn off the tv and lights before following him in.  
  
“Oh…” he said, when he saw that Jim had stripped to his underwear. “Want to borrow some sweats and a shirt?”  
  
“Why?” Jim asked, turning to look at him with a raised eyebrow. “I thought you wanted to go to bed.”  
  
It was a moment before Leonard understood what Jim thought he’d implied.  
  
“Oh…Jim…no. Well, yes, I did want to go to bed, but just to sleep. I just thought….maybe…. you wouldn’t want to sleep alone. That’s all.”  
  
Jim flushed and crossed his arms over himself, suddenly feeling foolish standing there in his underwear.  
  
“Oh,” he said. “I –uh…”  
  
“It’s okay, Jim. Here.” He handed him a t-shirt and sweats to wear and gave him some privacy.  
  
Later, when they were under the covers, warm and comfortable, Leonard turned on his side to face Jim, eyes traveling over his youthful face.  
  
“Sorry about earlier,” Jim said quietly. “I just thought…I don’t know. You do so much for me, and I..I…” he trailed off, unable to say anything else.  
  
Leo put an arm over Jim’s shoulder and he closed his eyes to hide how much that gentle touch affected him.  
  
“Jim, you don’t owe me anything. I know it feels like we’ve been moving towards…something...and I won’t lie…the thought appeals to me.” He paused as Jim smiled, opening his eyes and meeting Bones’ gaze.  
  
“Me, too,” he whispered.  
  
“But there’s no rush. Sometimes…it’s just nice to be close.”  
  
Jim sighed and nodded, closing his eyes again as he relaxed completely, feeling safe, and like they were on the edge of something he’d been waiting for for so long. And not afraid of it.  
  
  
 **[THURSDAY - JANUARY 14](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1231868.html)**   
  
Memories in the form of nightmares played over and over again, flashes of what his life was like before he managed to gather his wits and get away. And though the scenes changed, the overwhelming sense of helplessness and sadness and fear did not.  
  
Finally, at one point, he realized he was dreaming, and he jerked awake with a quiet gasp, blinking in the near-darkness. They’d fallen asleep with a lamp throwing dim light into the room, and he wondered when Bones had realized he didn’t like to sleep in the dark. At another time, he might’ve felt embarrassed that someone else knew that about him, but now, as he turned his head to look at Bones, all he felt was grateful that he’d been lucky enough to find someone who cared.  
  
Not feeling able to fall back asleep, and not wanting to wake Bones, Jim edged carefully out of bed. He looked at Bones, sleeping soundly, and felt so much for him…so lucky for his friendship, so grateful for his patience, and so much for the way he treated him. Not like he was broken or damaged (which he was), and not like he was something to be controlled or a thing to be used (like he used to be). But just like he was cared for. Maybe even loved.  
  
 _…it feels like we’ve been moving towards…something_ \- that line ran through Jim’s head and made his heart skip a beat. He’d hardly allowed himself to hope that Bones was feeling the same…and then he said he was. It felt like…more than he deserved. And Bones deserved more. If he was going to open his life and heart to Jim, he had to know more than what he’d shared so far.  
  
He deserved to know everything.  
  
And Jim decided he was going to tell him.  
  
  
 **[FRIDAY - JANUARY 15](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1231927.html)**  
  
Jim had decided to tell Bones everything – but he knew it wouldn’t be an easy conversation, and it wasn’t something that he could just discuss over lunch one day either. It was almost a week before Jim had the nerve – and they both had the time.  
  
In that time, though, they’d stayed close – gently nurturing this new thing between them. Bones had invited Jim to sleep with him whenever he wanted, and Jim gratefully accepted. Because even though he was still plagued by nightmares, he slept better when they were together. And that time they spent in bed together…not doing anything but holding each other, and once, after a particularly bad one, Leonard had gently kissed him, and Jim found himself responding. It was the best thing Jim ever felt, and he held Leonard to him almost desperately.  
  
But Bones had gently disengaged. “Not yet,” he’d murmured. He’d smiled a little, drawing his fingers through Jim’s hair tenderly. “Not until you’re ready.”  
  
Jim hummed in agreement, and closed his eyes again and Bones drew him closer.  
  
Comforted by the memory of that quiet night, Jim found it a little easier to suggest they go up to the roof to talk, and for the first time, Jim told him the whole story.  
  
Leo did his best to keep his face impassive as Jim told him how Gary had come into his life…a friend of one of the boys in one of the many foster families he’d been part of who’d taken a liking to him. When he aged out of the system at 18, he found himself with a lot ambition, a lot of intelligence, a university acceptance, and no money.  
  
“Gary let me live with him…and before I knew it, we were together. And I was stuck. He controlled everything…paid for my books and other things I couldn’t afford because of tuition. He reminded me constantly that I wouldn’t have anything without him, and he was right. And everything was…okay…for a long time. Not great, but not bad. Until…until he thought I was trying to pull away. And then it wasn’t.”  
  
  
 **[SATURDAY - JANUARY 16](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1232347.html)**  
  


  
****Please note, this part has some graphic depictions of domestic violence between partners****   


  
  
  
Jim paused, and tried to put his thoughts in order.  
  
“Gary was…very possessive. And at first, I liked it. I liked not having to worry about things…having someone take care of me. I hadn’t had that very much,” he admitted softly. “I didn’t realize it right away, but taking care of me meant controlling me.”  
  
“What made you realize that?” Leo asked quietly.  
  
“I didn’t. Not for a long time. I remember the first time he…hit me,” Jim said, his hands tightening. “My shift at the store where I worked got extended and I didn’t have time to call, and when I got home, Gary was furious. He said I was inconsiderate and thoughtless and irresponsible – how easy would it have been to call him and let him know I was going to be late? – and he shoved me, then smacked me. And…I could see his point. I had been thoughtless. So, I apologized, and he held me and apologized for losing his temper. And he hadn’t really hurt me, so I forgave him.”  
  
Jim swallowed, and glanced up, briefly meeting Bones’ eyes before looking away again. “I realize now that’s how he controlled me. Everything was my fault, and I believed it. It was easy to believe it – when I was a kid, no family ever kept me for long, and I thought it was my fault. That Gary would keep me, even when I was so stupid, or did something so thoughtless…I just….” He shrugged. “I thought it was me. He would say, ‘You make me so crazy Jim – why can’t you understand?’ or, ‘Why do you make me do this?’ And, I would apologize.”  
  
He told Leonard about Gary’s temper, and the way he’d fly off the handle, and how Jim spent so much time trying to stop that from happening. And then he’d lost his job, because Gary kept calling and cutting his hours back, and when he’d lost his job he couldn’t afford tuition.  
  
“I had no money, and no way out,” Jim said. “And all the time, things were getting worse. Gary would throw things, if I didn’t cook dinner right or something, he’d scream at me. It got so all I wanted to do every day was just keep the peace, and I’d try so hard to do that. But nothing I did was good enough.”  
  
Leo wanted to scream. He felt like his blood pressure was through the roof as he forced himself to not show how intensely angry he was. To see Jim sitting before him now, bowed by the weight of his story, eyes on the ground, and to know that Gary had beaten him down emotionally until he was a shadow of the person he should’ve been was maddening, and so, so sad.  
  
“But something happened that made you decide to leave,” he said, willing his voice to be steady. “What was it?”  
  
Jim let out a small laugh. “I got in a car accident, with Gary’s car. It wasn’t my fault, and no one was seriously injured, but the car was totaled. I was bruised and banged up and sore, and when we finally got home, he threw a screaming fit for hours over it, blamed me for using the car, he shattered a glass in the kitchen that cut my leg…and seeing the blood seemed to snap him out of it. He…he knelt in front of me, crying. Cleaned and bandaged my leg, said again and again he was so afraid of losing me, and then he…took me to bed. I was hurting and didn’t want to do anything, but he ignored me…he always ignored me. And…he hurt me that night, the whole time whispering in my ear how much he loved me and I was his, and he was never going to let me go. And I was just lying there, biting my lip to keep quiet, and I just remember thinking, “if you loved me, you wouldn’t hurt me.”  And that…that’s when I decided to leave.”  
  
His heart breaking for Jim, Leonard reached out to pull him into a hug.  
  
“I’m so, so glad you did,” he whispered.  
  
Jim was shaking in his arms, pressing his face to Leonard’s shoulder, and he was holding on so tightly. Leonard just let him, staying quiet and holding him just as tightly. Jim deserved so much more than what his life had been like so far. And Leonard was going to make sure he got it, for as long as Jim would let him.  
  
After a while, with the night darkening around them, Jim seemed to calm, and let Bones go. He sniffed and wiped his hand across his eyes, head bowed.  
  
Leonard still had a lot of questions, but now was not the time. Now was the time to focus on what Jim needed in the wake of his most vulnerable admissions. And though Leonard was not a mental health counselor, Leonard knew that what Jim needed now was his support, and his love.  
  
And he had both for him.  
  
  
 **[SUNDAY - JANUARY 17](http://jim-and-bones.livejournal.com/1232563.html)**  
  
Jim had let his hair grow out again, as well as a bit of a beard, and Leonard couldn’t help but smile every time he looked at him. This look suited him.  
  
Leonard brushed a kiss against his temple as he headed into the kitchen.  
  
“Good morning,” he said. “You look good. Nervous?”  
  
Jim smiled at him, the tousled bed-head he was sporting so endearing. He thought for a second before answering, really taking stock of how he felt. “No,” he said. “Not nervous. Excited.”  
  
Leonard smiled at him over the counter. “I’m excited for you.”  
  
Today, Jim was starting classes at the university. His education, which had been interrupted, was starting up again. It was a big step, and one they’d been working towards for a while now. It was something Jim very much wanted – he felt it was an excellent way to put the money from his mother’s life insurance to use. Another good way. The first was getting out and starting a new life. When he turned 22, that money became available to him, and it was something he’d (wisely) kept from Gary.  
  
His mother had provided him with a way to freedom, years after her death. And now she was going to provide him with a way to make that freedom worthwhile.  
  
Jim watched as Leonard prepared breakfast for them both, marveling at the fact that he wasn’t nervous. It wasn’t so long ago that leaving the apartment building they’d been living him at the time was enough to send him to the brink of panic. But Bones had done so much to help him know that he was safe, including moving. He’d gone through the trouble of applying to many different hospitals across the country, and had finally found one. And that move…that seemed to open a whole new world for Jim.  
  
Starting again – this time with someone who loved him so unconditionally as to uproot his whole world and start over – helped him realize his worth, and did a lot to build up confidence that had been taken away from him.  
  
“Hey,” Jim said suddenly, cutting Bones off mid-sentence. He looked at Jim, eyebrows raised. “I love you.”  
  
Leonard smiled, his eyes shining with happiness. “I love you, too.”  
  
And this, Jim knew, this is what life was supposed to be. This was his life, after.


End file.
